25 Money Questions To Ask Your Partner

Money conversations can make or break your relationship. Yeah, I said it. You can have the most passionate romance, amazing chemistry, and share a love for cheesy Netflix shows, but if you can’t talk about money? You’re basically building a house on quicksand.

I’ve spent years working with couples who thought they had everything figured out, only to discover their partner was secretly drowning in debt or had zero retirement savings at 45. Not fun. Here’s the thing: asking the right money questions isn’t about being nosy or controlling. It’s about building a financial partnership that actually works. And trust me, when you get this right, everything else becomes so much easier.

So grab a cup of coffee (or wine, no judgment), get comfortable, and let’s talk about the 25 money questions you absolutely need to ask your partner. FYI, these aren’t your typical boring finance questions;  they’re conversation starters that’ll reveal whether you’re financially compatible or headed for disaster.

What Financial Questions Should You Ask As A Couple?

Here’s what most people get wrong: they think financial questions are just about numbers. Wrong. The best financial questions dig into mindset, values, and priorities.

When I ask couples what financial questions they should discuss, I focus on five core areas: savings habits, investment strategies, debt management, retirement planning, and spending philosophies. These aren’t random topics; they’re the pillars that either support or crumble your financial life together.

Think about it this way. You wouldn’t buy a car without checking under the hood, right? The same principle applies to relationships. You need to understand how your partner thinks about money, what financial baggage they’re carrying, and whether their money goals align with yours.

The questions you ask should cover everything from daily spending habits to long-term wealth building. Are they a saver or a spender? Do they believe in investing or keeping everything in a checking account? How do they handle financial stress? These insights matter way more than you think.

Why Should Couples Talk About Money?

Money fights are the number one cause of divorce in America. Let that sink in for a second. Not cheating, not growing apart, money. And honestly? Most of these fights could’ve been avoided with some honest conversations early on.

Financial transparency builds trust. When you and your partner openly discuss money, you’re creating a foundation of honesty that extends into every area of your relationship. You’re basically saying, “Hey, I trust you enough to show you my financial mess, and I hope you’ll do the same.”

But here’s what really gets me excited about money talks: they’re incredible opportunities to spot problems before they explode. Maybe your partner has some questionable spending habits you didn’t know about. Maybe they’re making financial mistakes that could cost you both thousands down the line. These conversations act as an early warning system for financial disasters.

Plus, talking about money helps you understand your partner’s financial mindset. Do they have a scarcity mentality or an abundance mindset? Are they risk-averse or comfortable with calculated risks? Understanding these patterns helps you work together instead of constantly butting heads over every financial decision.

Tips For Talking With Your Partner About Money

Alright, so you’re convinced you need to have “the money talk.” Great. Now, how do you actually do it without making it feel like an interrogation or turning it into World War III?

Don’t Make It A Big Deal

Seriously, chill out a bit 🙂 I’ve seen people schedule formal “financial meetings” with their partners like they’re about to sign a business contract. That’s not what we’re going for here.

Keep it casual and low-pressure. Bring up money topics during a relaxed dinner, while you’re taking a walk, or even during a lazy Sunday morning. The goal is to make your partner feel comfortable enough to be honest, not defensive.

When you treat money conversations like they’re make-or-break moments, your partner might clam up or tell you what they think you want to hear. Nobody opens up when they feel like they’re being judged. So yeah, keep it light and conversational.

Never Tell Lies

This should be obvious, but I’m constantly shocked by how many people lie about their finances to their partners. IMO, lying about money is just as bad as any other type of deception,  maybe worse, because it affects your shared future.

If you’ve got credit card debt, say so. If you made some dumb investment decisions, own it. If you’re terrible at saving, admit it. Honesty is the only path forward that doesn’t end in resentment and disaster.

Here’s the reality: your partner will find out eventually. Financial secrets always come to light, usually at the worst possible time. Better to be upfront now when you can work through it together than to drop a bomb later when the damage is already done.

Talk About Money-Making Strategies

Okay, so identifying problems is step one. But you can’t just stop there and wallow in your financial mess. You need to shift the conversation toward solutions and opportunities.

Focus on growth, not just damage control. What side hustles could you start? How can you both increase your income? Are there investment opportunities you’re missing? Could one of you get a promotion or switch to a higher-paying job?

I always tell couples to dedicate at least half of their money conversations to forward momentum. Sure, you need to address debt and bad habits, but you also need to get excited about building wealth together. That’s where the magic happens.

Sites like Upwork and Fiverr offer amazing opportunities for side income. Maybe your partner has skills they could monetise. Maybe you both could start a small online business together. The possibilities are endless when you start thinking strategically.

Lay Emphasis On Value, Not Only Numbers

Here’s something I’ve learned from years of financial counselling: people don’t change their money habits because of statistics and spreadsheets. They change because they understand the real-life value behind financial decisions.

Instead of just saying “We need to save $500 a month,” explain what that $500 could become. That’s $6,000 a year. Over 20 years with compound interest, that’s potentially $200,000+ for retirement. Now we’re talking about freedom, security, and options, things people actually care about.

When discussing insurance, don’t just talk about monthly premiums. Talk about the peace of mind, the protection for your family, the financial safety net during emergencies. Make money decisions tangible and meaningful, not just abstract numbers on a spreadsheet.

25 Money Questions To Ask Your Partner

Alright, let’s get to the good stuff. I’ve organised these questions based on relationship stages, because what you need to know when you’re newly dating is different from what you need to discuss before marriage.

Money Questions To Ask If You’re Newly Dating

1. What Are Your Financial Goals?

This question is pure gold for understanding someone’s financial maturity. When I ask people about their financial goals, their answers tell me everything I need to know.

Are they talking about buying designer clothes and taking lavish vacations? Or are they focused on building an emergency fund, investing for retirement, and achieving financial independence? The difference matters more than you think.

Someone in their twenties should be prioritising foundation-building: establishing good credit, starting retirement accounts, and building emergency savings. If they’re more concerned with keeping up appearances and living a lifestyle they can’t afford, that’s a massive red flag waving right in your face.

Listen carefully to how specific their goals are. Vague answers like “I want to be rich” or “I want to be comfortable” don’t count. Real financial goals include numbers, timelines, and actionable plans.

2. Do You Make Impulse Purchases?

Impulse buying is a financial killer that slowly drains your bank account without you even realising it. That $5 coffee here, that $30 shirt there, that random Amazon purchase at 2 AM, it all adds up faster than you’d believe.

I’ve worked with clients making six-figure incomes who were broke because of impulse spending. And I’ve worked with people earning $40,000 who had impressive savings because they controlled their impulses. Income matters less than spending discipline.

Your partner doesn’t need to be perfect here. We all make occasional impulse purchases. But if they’re constantly buying stuff they don’t need, struggle to resist sales, or shop when they’re emotional? That’s a pattern that’ll wreck your combined finances.

Apps like Mint can help track spending patterns and identify impulse purchase triggers. If your partner’s willing to use tools to improve, that’s actually a good sign.

3. Do You Save Money?

This question seems basic, but the answers I get are often shocking. So many people are living paycheck to paycheck with absolutely zero savings buffer. One unexpected car repair or medical bill would completely derail them.

Saving money isn’t about how much you earn;  it’s about discipline and priorities. I know people making $50,000 who save 20% of their income, and people making $150,000 who save nothing. The difference is in mindset and habits.

Your partner should be saving something, even if it’s just $50 a month. The amount matters less than the habit. Someone who saves consistently, even small amounts, understands delayed gratification and thinks about the future. Someone who never saves anything? They’re probably going to be a financial drain.

Building an emergency fund should be a top priority for everyone. Sites like Ally Bank and Marcus by Goldman Sachs offer high-yield savings accounts that actually grow your emergency fund over time.

4. What Would You Spend Your Money On If You Won The Lottery?

Okay, this question might sound silly, but hear me out. It reveals so much about your partner’s financial wisdom and priorities.

Most lottery winners end up broke within a few years. Seriously, look it up. They blow millions on cars, houses, giving money to friends and family, and living like celebrities. Then reality hits, and they’re worse off than before they won.

A financially smart person would talk about investments, charitable giving, paying off debt, and securing their financial future. They might mention one reasonable splurge, sure. But if their entire answer is about consumption and spending, you’re looking at someone who doesn’t understand wealth building.

I love this question because it’s hypothetical and fun, so people answer honestly without feeling judged. Pay attention to whether they think about generosity, long-term security, and smart financial moves, or whether they immediately start listing expensive things they’d buy.

5. Do You Budget Your Income?

Budgeting is the foundation of financial success. Period. You can’t build wealth if you don’t know where your money is going every month. It’s like trying to navigate without a map;  you might eventually get somewhere, but it’ll be mostly by accident.

People who budget their income have control over their finances. People who don’t budget are controlled by their finances. That’s the brutal truth I’ve learned from years of financial counselling.

Your partner doesn’t need to track every penny obsessively, but they should have a general framework for managing their money. They should know roughly what they spend on rent, groceries, entertainment, and savings. They should have some system, even if it’s not perfect.

Tools like YNAB (You Need A Budget) and EveryDollar make budgeting so much easier than the old spreadsheet method. If your partner’s willing to try budgeting, that shows they’re committed to financial improvement.

6. How Do You Manage Your Salary?

This question goes deeper than budgeting. It’s about understanding your partner’s entire financial system. Where does their paycheck go? Do they pay themselves first by setting up automatic savings? Or does money just sit in checking until it’s gone?

Smart salary management involves several key practices: automating savings, paying bills on time, avoiding lifestyle inflation, and having a system for tracking spending. Someone who manages their salary well lives below their means and makes their money work for them.

Watch out for people who constantly complain they don’t earn enough but make no effort to manage what they have. That’s a mindset problem, not an income problem. If they’re struggling on $70,000, they’ll struggle on $100,000 too.

7. Do You Pay Your Bills All By Yourself?

This might sound harsh, but it needs to be said: adults should handle their own bills. If you’re dating someone in their late twenties or thirties whose parents still pay their rent or phone bill, that’s a problem.

Financial independence is a basic requirement for a healthy adult relationship. Your partner should be fully responsible for their own expenses, even if they struggle sometimes. That struggle builds character and financial maturity.

Now, if they’re in a tough situation temporarily, lost their job, medical emergency, whatever, that’s different. I’m talking about people who’ve never taken full financial responsibility for themselves. Those people rarely change, and they’ll eventually become your financial burden.

Money Questions To Ask Before You Commit

1. Do You Want Your Spouse To Work Full-Time Or Part-Time?

This conversation is crucial before making any serious commitment. Your expectations about work need to align, or you’ll resent each other down the road.

Some people want a partner who’s all-in on their career, maximising income potential. Others prefer a spouse who works part-time so they can focus more on home and family. Neither preference is wrong, but they need to match.

I’ve seen relationships fall apart because one person assumed their partner would work full-time while the partner assumed they’d scale back after having kids. These assumptions cause massive conflict when reality hits.

Be honest about what you want and why. If you need your partner to work full-time for financial reasons, say so. If you’d prefer they work part-time and you’ll carry more of the financial load, make that clear. Don’t assume anything; spell it out explicitly.

2. What Do You Waste Money On?

Everyone wastes money on something. Everyone. The question is whether it’s a minor leak or a gushing hole in your financial ship.

Maybe your partner drops $200 a month on coffee. Maybe they’re constantly upgrading their phone. Maybe they have an embarrassing collection of shoes or video games. The specific waste matters less than whether they recognise it and whether it’s controllable.

I personally waste money on books. I probably spend $100+ monthly on books I might never read. But I acknowledge it, it fits my budget, and it’s not preventing me from hitting my financial goals. That’s the key: self-awareness and containment.

If your partner wastes money unconsciously or defensively denies their waste, that’s concerning. Financial improvement requires honest self-assessment. You can’t fix what you won’t acknowledge.

3. Do You Want To Further Your Education In The Future?

Education is expensive, and I’m not just talking about tuition. You need to factor in lost income if they’ll study full-time, student loans that might take decades to repay, and opportunity costs of time and energy.

In 2025, the average cost of a master’s degree ranges from $30,000 to $120,000, depending on the program and school. That’s a serious financial commitment you both need to prepare for.

But education can also be an investment that pays off. A strategic degree that increases earning potential might be worth the short-term sacrifice. The question is whether your partner has thought this through or whether it’s just a vague “maybe someday” dream.

Discuss timelines, financial plans, expected return on investment, and how you’ll manage the sacrifice together. Sites like Coursera and edX offer alternatives to traditional degrees that cost less and might meet their goals.

4. Are You Currently Owing Money?

Debt is the elephant in the room for millions of Americans. Credit card debt, student loans, car loans, and personal loans; most people are carrying some form of debt. The question is how much and how they’re handling it.

Debt isn’t automatically disqualifying. What matters is your partner’s awareness, plan, and attitude. Someone with $30,000 in student loans who’s aggressively paying it down on a structured plan? Not a red flag. Someone with $10,000 in credit card debt who makes minimum payments and keeps adding more? Huge red flag.

Ask about total debt amounts, interest rates, monthly payments, and their payoff strategy. If they get defensive or vague, that’s a warning sign. Financial partners need to be transparent about their obligations.

Debt payoff methods like the avalanche method (highest interest first) and the snowball method (smallest balance first) can dramatically accelerate debt elimination. If your partner’s open to strategy, you can tackle this together.

5. What Assets And Accounts Do You Have?

Assets build wealth. Income just pays bills. That’s a critical distinction many people miss. Your partner might earn decent money, but if they’re not building assets, they’re running in place financially.

Assets include: retirement accounts (401k, IRA), investment accounts, real estate, valuable collections, business ownership, and anything else that holds or grows value over time. Someone serious about wealth building prioritises asset accumulation.

I’m not saying your partner needs to be rich or own investment properties already. But they should understand the importance of assets and have at least started building some. A 30-year-old with zero retirement savings isn’t on the right path, regardless of their income.

Platforms like Vanguard, Fidelity, and Charles Schwab make investing accessible even for beginners. If your partner’s never invested, that’s something you can explore together.

6. How Many Hours Do You Work?

Work-life balance affects both your finances and your relationship quality. Someone working 60+ hours weekly might earn more, but you’ll barely see them. Someone working 25 hours might have time and energy, but money will be tight.

There’s no universally right answer;  it depends on your shared priorities. Do you value time together more than maximising income? Or are you both willing to grind now to secure your financial future? These choices have massive implications.

I’ve counselled couples where both partners worked demanding jobs, barely saw each other, and wondered why their relationship suffered. I’ve also worked with couples who prioritised time together, lived modestly, and regretted not building more financial security. You can’t have everything;  discuss the trade-offs honestly.

7. Would You Like To Start A Business In The Future?

Entrepreneurship is exciting but risky and expensive. Starting a business typically requires significant capital, might not produce income for months or years, and carries a high failure rate. Your financial life needs to accommodate these realities if your partner has business aspirations.

The U.S. Small Business Administration reports that about 50% of small businesses fail within five years. That’s not meant to discourage anyone; it’s meant to inject realism into your planning. Business ownership can be incredibly rewarding, but it’s not a guaranteed path to riches.

If your partner wants to be an entrepreneur, discuss timelines, capital requirements, your risk tolerance, and backup plans. Will they quit their job immediately or build the business on the side first? Who’ll handle health insurance? How long can you survive if the business doesn’t produce income?

Money Questions To Ask If You’re Married

1. What’s Your Plan For Retirement?

Retirement planning is one of those things everyone knows is important, but keeps postponing. That’s a massive mistake. The earlier you start, the easier it becomes thanks to compound interest.

A couple in their thirties who start saving $500 monthly for retirement could have well over $1 million by retirement age. That same couple starting in their forties would need to save significantly more each month to reach the same goal. Time is your biggest asset in retirement planning.

Your retirement plan should address: target retirement age, desired lifestyle, required savings amount, investment strategy, and whether you’ll both retire simultaneously or stagger it. These aren’t small details; they’re the blueprint for your future.

Many employers offer 401(k) matching, which is literally free money. If your partner isn’t maximising employer match, they’re leaving thousands on the table annually. That’s unacceptable.

2. How Many Kids Do You Want To Raise?

Kids are expensive. Like, really expensive. The USDA estimates that raising a child to age 18 costs around $310,000 on average, and that doesn’t include college.

The number of kids you have directly impacts everything: housing size needed, vehicle choice, childcare costs, college savings requirements, and long-term financial flexibility. Two kids versus four kids could be a difference of over $600,000 in expenses.

This isn’t about putting price tags on children;  it’s about being realistic. Some couples can comfortably afford four kids. Others need to stop at one or two to maintain financial stability. Neither choice is wrong, but you need to plan accordingly.

College savings are a huge factor. Starting a 529 savings plan early can help, but it requires consistent contributions. Sites like Saving for College provide detailed information about 529 plans and college savings strategies.

3. Do You Have Any Financial Commitments To Your Family?

Supporting extended family is noble and culturally important for many people. But it can also destroy your finances if not managed properly. I’ve seen couples drain their savings supporting parents or siblings with no boundaries.

The key is balance and communication. If your partner has elderly parents who need financial support, that’s a reality you must accommodate. If they’re funding their brother’s lifestyle because he won’t get his life together? That needs boundaries.

Be clear about limits: how much monthly support is acceptable, under what circumstances, and for how long. Supporting family shouldn’t jeopardise your own financial security or prevent you from reaching your goals.

4. Who’s Paying The Bills?

Bill responsibility needs a clear definition to avoid resentment. Will you split everything 50/50? Proportionally based on income? Will one person handle all bills while the other covers other expenses?

I personally prefer the proportional approach for couples with income disparities. If one partner makes $80,000 and the other makes $40,000, splitting bills 50/50 creates financial strain and resentment. Proportional splitting (in this case, 2:1) feels fairer and maintains equity.

However, some couples prefer the traditional model where one person handles all household expenses. That works too, as long as both partners agree and feel good about the arrangement. The worst scenario is ambiguity; nobody knows who’s responsible for what, bills get missed, and fights ensue.

5. Would You Want Us To Combine Our Finances?

The joint versus separate finances debate is intense, and honestly? There’s no universally correct answer. It depends on your personalities, trust levels, and financial situations.

Many financial advisors recommend the “yours, mine, and ours” approach: three accounts total. One joint account for shared expenses, and two individual accounts for personal spending. This balances unity and autonomy nicely.

Some couples fully merge everything and never look back. Others keep finances completely separate and just split bills. Both approaches can work. The important thing is that you both feel comfortable with the system, and it doesn’t breed resentment or secrecy.

If combining finances, tools like Personal Capital help you manage multiple accounts and track your overall financial picture together.

6. How Can We Grow Our Cash Flow?

Growing income as a couple opens up possibilities that a single income can’t. You can save more, invest more, enjoy life more, and reach goals faster. This should be an ongoing conversation, not a one-time discussion.

Income growth strategies include: career advancement, education and certifications, side hustles, freelancing, starting businesses, real estate investing, and creating passive income streams. Every couple should explore multiple avenues.

Side hustles have become incredibly accessible. Platforms like Etsy (for creators), TaskRabbit (for handy people), Rover (for pet lovers), and DoorDash (for flexible work) offer ways to earn extra income on your terms.

The key is viewing income growth as a team sport. Support each other’s efforts, brainstorm together, and celebrate wins. When you’re both committed to increasing cash flow, amazing things happen.

7. How Do We Plan For Our Children’s College Fund?

College costs have skyrocketed. In 2025, four years at a public university averages around $100,000, while private universities can exceed $300,000. Without planning, you’ll either burden your kids with massive student loans or drain your retirement savings.

529 college savings plans are your best friend here. They offer tax advantages, compound growth, and flexibility. Starting early makes a massive difference, saving $300 monthly from birth could fully fund a public university education.

But here’s an important reality check: prioritise your retirement over college savings. You can’t borrow for retirement, but your kids can borrow for college. Don’t sacrifice your financial security for college expenses.

Discuss expectations: Will you fully fund college? Partial support? Nothing? Will your kids need to work, get scholarships, or take loans? These conversations prevent misunderstandings and help your kids understand expectations early.

8. When Are You Retiring?

Retirement timing affects everything: savings targets, lifestyle plans, Social Security benefits, and healthcare coverage. Couples don’t need to retire simultaneously, but you should coordinate and understand each other’s plans.

Early retirement sounds amazing, but requires serious financial preparation. Retiring at 55 versus 65 means potentially decades more of expenses and less time to save. You’ll need significantly more retirement savings to make it work.

Some people plan to work part-time in retirement, both for income and purpose. Others want complete freedom from work obligations. These preferences affect how much you need to save and what retirement looks like for you as a couple.

Healthcare is a huge consideration for early retirees. Before Medicare kicks in at 65, health insurance is expensive. Factor this into your retirement planning, or it’ll blindside you.

9. Do You Plan To Go On Vacation Someday?

Vacations are important for relationship health and personal well-being. But they can also wreck your budget if you’re not careful. I’ve seen people blow $10,000 on a vacation they couldn’t afford, then struggle for months afterwards.

Budget vacations separately instead of pulling from general savings. Set up a dedicated vacation fund and contribute monthly. When it reaches your target amount, then book the trip. This prevents vacation spending from derailing other financial goals.

Be realistic about vacation frequency and cost. Maybe you take one big vacation annually and a few weekend trips. Maybe you prioritise more frequent, smaller trips. Neither approach is wrong; just make sure it fits your budget and you’re both on the same page.

Sites like Scott’s Cheap Flights and Hopper help you find amazing flight deals, making travel more affordable. Travel hacking with credit card rewards can also fund vacations, but only if you’re disciplined about paying cards off monthly.

10. Should We Give Our Children Allowances?

Allowances teach kids financial literacy, responsibility, and money management, all crucial life skills. But opinions on allowances vary wildly. Some parents swear by them, others think kids shouldn’t be paid for basic responsibilities.

I’m team allowance, but with structure. Kids should earn money through age-appropriate chores and learn to budget, save, and spend wisely. This hands-on financial education beats any lecture you could give them.

The amount matters less than the lessons. Even a small weekly allowance teaches valuable concepts: delayed gratification, saving for goals, making choices, and experiencing consequences of poor spending decisions in a safe environment.

You and your spouse need aligned views on allowances, or your kids will exploit the disagreement :/ Discuss amounts, expectations, and what happens if kids misuse money. Consistency is key.

11. How Much Debt Can We Accept As A Family?

Some debt is almost unavoidable: mortgages, reasonable car loans, maybe student loans. But how much total debt are you comfortable carrying? This question reveals risk tolerance and financial philosophy.

I recommend the 36% rule: your total monthly debt payments shouldn’t exceed 36% of your gross monthly income. This includes mortgage, car loans, credit cards, student loans, everything. Beyond 36%, you’re stretching too thin and vulnerable to financial shocks.

Credit card debt is particularly dangerous because of high interest rates. Many cards charge 20%+ APR, meaning your debt grows fast if you carry balances. As a couple, set rules about credit card usage to avoid drowning in high-interest debt.

Some couples use credit cards strategically for rewards while paying them off monthly. Others avoid credit cards completely because they don’t trust themselves. Know your strengths and weaknesses, then create rules that protect your finances.

Final Thoughts

I know, money talks can be awkward, tense, even scary. But they’re essential if you want a financially healthy relationship. Financial compatibility matters just as much as emotional connection. You could be perfect together in every other way, but if your money mindsets clash, it’ll cause friction. These 25 questions help you spot red flags early, strengthen trust, and build a real financial partnership.

The goal isn’t finding someone with flawless finances; no one has that. It’s finding someone with financial character: honesty, responsibility, and a willingness to learn. Someone who makes mistakes but grows, who shares your values, and who’s ready to work toward mutual goals. That’s where true financial harmony begins.

Start these talks early and keep them going. Life changes, goals shift, and so should your conversations. Regular money check-ins keep you aligned and avoid big blowups later. Remember, you’re building a shared financial future, and that takes teamwork, transparency, and communication. Your future selves will thank you for starting now.