12 Money Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Look, I’m going to be straight with you, nobody wants to talk about money when they’re head over heels in love. You’re busy planning your dream wedding, picking out cake flavors, and arguing over whether “Wonderful Tonight” is too cliché for your first dance.

But here’s the thing: skipping the money talk before marriage is like buying a house without checking if it has a solid foundation. Sure, it looks pretty now, but wait until things start crumbling.

I’ve spent years working in finance, and I’ve seen couples who genuinely loved each other end up in nasty divorces because they never bothered to check if they were on the same financial page. It’s heartbreaking, really. And the worst part? Most of these disasters could’ve been avoided with a few honest conversations.

So grab your partner, maybe pour some wine (you’re gonna need it), and let’s talk about the money questions you absolutely need to ask before saying “I do.”

Are Money Questions Necessary Before Marriage?

Short answer? Absolutely.

Long answer? Hell yes, and if you skip this step, don’t come crying to me when you’re fighting over credit card bills on your first anniversary. Money questions aren’t just about knowing if your partner has a secret stash of cash or is drowning in debt (though both are pretty important).

They’re about understanding how your partner thinks about money, what they value, and whether you two can actually build a life together without wanting to strangle each other every time a bill arrives.

Think about it this way: you’re about to merge your life with someone else’s. Your money, their money, your debts, their debts, your spending habits, their “but I really needed those shoes” moments, it all becomes one big financial soup. Wouldn’t you want to know what’s going into that soup before you start eating?

According to financial studies, money fights are one of the top predictors of divorce. Not infidelity. Not annoying in-laws. Money. That should tell you something.

How To Talk About Money Before Marriage

Okay, so you’re convinced you need to have this conversation. Great! But here’s where most people mess up: they treat it like a job interview or an FBI interrogation.

“So, what’s your credit score? How much debt do you have? Do you contribute to a 401(k)?”

Stop. Just stop. Your partner isn’t applying for a loan (well, technically, they kind of are, but that’s beside the point). You need to make this conversation feel natural and comfortable.

Here’s what works:

Schedule a relaxed date. Take them to dinner, go for a walk in the park, or cook together at home. Create an atmosphere where both of you feel safe being vulnerable. Because let’s be honest, talking about money can feel pretty vulnerable, especially if someone’s financial situation isn’t great.

Start with yourself. Share your own financial situation first. Talk about your debts, your savings goals, your spending habits. This shows you’re not just interrogating them, you’re opening up too.

Use “we” language instead of “you” language. Instead of asking “How much debt do YOU have?” try “How should WE handle our finances once we’re married?” It shifts the conversation from accusatory to collaborative.

And please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t spring this on them randomly. Nobody wants to discuss their student loan debt over a romantic candlelit dinner out of nowhere. Give them a heads-up: “Hey, I think we should talk about our finances soon. Want to set aside some time this weekend?”

Why You Need To Talk About Money Before Marriage

Still on the fence about whether this is really necessary? Let me break down exactly why this conversation could save your relationship (and your sanity).

Financial Compatibility

You know how people talk about compatibility in relationships? Sexual compatibility, emotional compatibility, intellectual compatibility? Well, financial compatibility is just as important, and honestly, it might be even more crucial for long-term success.

Financial compatibility doesn’t mean you both need to make the same amount of money or have identical spending habits. It means you share similar values about what money represents and how it should be used.

If you’re someone who clips coupons, meal preps to save money, and gets actual joy from watching your savings account grow, you’re probably going to have a rough time with someone who thinks budgets are suggestions and drops $200 on brunch without blinking.

I’m not saying opposites can’t work; they can, but only if both people are willing to meet somewhere in the middle. And you won’t even know if there’s middle ground to find unless you have the conversation.

Prevent Financial Crises In Marriage

Financial crises can destroy a marriage faster than you can say “overdraft fee.” And I’m not just talking about job loss or medical emergencies (though those are brutal too). I’m talking about the slow-burning crisis of incompatible money management.

Picture this: You’re diligently saving for a down payment on a house. Every month, you transfer money into your savings account and make sacrifices to reach your goal. Meanwhile, your spouse is racking up credit card debt buying things you don’t need.

How long before resentment builds? How many fights before one of you says something you can’t take back?

When you talk about money before marriage, you’re essentially creating a financial roadmap together. You’re identifying potential problems before they become actual problems. You’re learning if your partner has a gambling habit, if they’re drowning in debt, or if they have zero concept of what an emergency fund is.

Real talk: I once knew a couple who didn’t discuss finances before marriage. Six months in, the wife discovered her husband had over $80,000 in credit card debt he’d been hiding. The marriage lasted another year before imploding. Don’t be that couple.

Plan For Unborn Kids

Kids are expensive. Like, really expensive. The USDA estimates it costs over $230,000 to raise a child from birth to age 17, and that doesn’t even include college.

If you and your partner haven’t discussed how many kids you want, when you want them, and how you’ll afford them, you’re in for a rude awakening. And this isn’t just about daycare costs and diapers (though those add up shockingly fast).

You need to discuss:

• Will one parent stay home, or will you need childcare?
• Are you saving for college, or will your kids take out loans?
• Private school or public school?
• What happens if you have a child with special needs?

These aren’t fun conversations, but they’re necessary ones. And having them before marriage means you’re going into parenthood as a team, not as two people with completely different expectations.

Peace Of Mind

There’s something incredibly freeing about knowing where you stand financially with your partner. When you’ve had honest conversations about money, you don’t have to wonder if they’re hiding something. You don’t have to stress about surprise debt or secret spending habits.

Financial transparency creates trust, and trust creates peace. You can actually relax and enjoy your relationship instead of constantly worrying about money.

Plus, when you’re on the same page financially, you make better decisions together. You can plan for the future, set goals as a couple, and actually achieve them because you’re working together instead of against each other.

12 Money Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Alright, here’s the meat of it. These are the questions you need to ask, and more importantly, you need to listen, really listen, to the answers.

1. What Is Your Attitude Towards Money?

This might seem like a vague question, but it’s actually one of the most important ones you’ll ask. Your attitude towards money shapes every financial decision you make.

Some people view money as a tool for security. They save aggressively, avoid debt, and get anxious when their bank account dips below a certain number. Others see money as something meant to be enjoyed;  they’re more comfortable taking risks, spending on experiences, and trusting that more money will come.

Neither approach is inherently wrong (okay, extreme versions of both are problematic, but you get my point). The issue is when two people with drastically different money attitudes try to build a life together without understanding where the other is coming from.

Ask your partner:

• How did your parents handle money, and how did that shape your views?
• Do you see money as something to save or something to spend?
• What makes you feel financially secure?
• What’s your biggest financial fear?

Understanding their money mindset will help you predict how they’ll react in different financial situations. Will they panic during economic uncertainty, or will they stay calm? Will they support your desire to invest aggressively, or will they think you’re being reckless?

These answers matter way more than you might think.

2. What Are Your Financial Goals?

Everyone says they want to “be rich” or “have enough money,” but what does that actually mean? Your partner’s financial goals reveal their priorities and their vision for the future.

Are they working toward buying a house? Retiring early? Starting a business? Traveling the world? Paying off debt? Building a massive emergency fund?

The specific goals matter less than whether you have compatible visions. If your dream is to retire at 50 and spend your golden years traveling, but your partner wants to work until 70 and leave a massive inheritance for your kids, you’ve got a problem.

Here’s what to discuss:

• Short-term goals (1-3 years)
• Medium-term goals (5-10 years)
• Long-term goals (retirement and beyond)
• How much are you each willing to sacrifice now for future goals

I’ll be honest, this conversation can be eye-opening. You might discover your partner has thought deeply about their financial future, or you might realize they’ve never planned beyond next month’s rent. Both scenarios give you valuable information.

3. What Is Your Career Plan?

Your partner’s career isn’t just about what they do for a living; it’s about income potential, job stability, and personal fulfilment.

If your partner is in a low-paying field they’re passionate about, that’s fine (genuinely). But you need to know that going in, so you can plan accordingly. Maybe that means you’ll be the primary breadwinner, or maybe it means you’ll both need to be more careful with spending.

On the flip side, if your partner is in a high-paying field they absolutely hate, that’s also important to know. Will they eventually want to make a career change? How will that impact your household income?

Things to explore:

• Are they happy in their current career, or do they want to switch paths?
• Do they have ambitions to climb the corporate ladder, or are they content where they are?
• How stable is their industry?
• Do they see themselves as the primary earner, or do they expect shared financial responsibility?

FYI, this isn’t about judging your partner’s career choices. It’s about understanding the financial reality you’re walking into together.

4. How Do We Merge Our Finances?

This is where things get practical. Some couples keep everything separate, separate accounts, separate bills, separate everything. Others combine everything into joint accounts. Most fall somewhere in between.

The most common approach is the “yours, mine, and ours” method:

• Each person has their own checking account for personal spending
• You have a joint account for shared expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.)
• You have joint savings goals (emergency fund, vacation fund, house down payment, etc.)

This approach gives you both independence while ensuring shared responsibilities are covered. But it only works if you’re both contributing fairly. And “fairly” doesn’t always mean 50/50; sometimes it means proportional to income.

If one partner makes $100,000 and the other makes $40,000, splitting everything 50/50 might not feel fair. The person earning less will have almost nothing left for savings or personal spending, while the higher earner still has plenty.

In this case, a proportional split (70/30 or whatever matches your income ratio) might make more sense.

Questions to nail down:

• Will we have joint accounts, separate accounts, or both?
• How will we split shared expenses?
• Do we need to agree on purchases over a certain amount?
• How much personal spending money does each person get without needing approval?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. The key is finding a system that works for both of you and doesn’t breed resentment.

5. How Do You Plan To Get Prepared For Retirement?

I know, I know, you’re young, retirement feels a million years away, why are we even talking about this?

Because time flies, that’s why. And the earlier you start planning for retirement, the better off you’ll be. Compound interest is magical when you give it enough time to work.

If your partner hasn’t thought about retirement, that’s a red flag. It doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, but it does mean they’re not thinking long-term about financial security. And if you’re someone who maxes out your 401(k) every year, that incompatibility could cause serious friction.

Retirement questions to address:

• Are you contributing to a 401(k) or IRA?
• Does your employer match contributions, and are you taking full advantage?
• What age do you want to retire?
• What does your ideal retirement look like (traveling, simple living, luxury lifestyle)?
• Are we on track to retire comfortably, or do we need to increase our savings?

Retirement planning isn’t sexy, but neither is working until you’re 80 because you didn’t save enough. Start the conversation now, and future you will be incredibly grateful.

6. How Much Debt Do You Have?

This is the question everyone dreads, but it’s essential. Debt isn’t inherently bad; mortgages and student loans are generally considered “good debt” if managed properly. But credit card debt, personal loans with crazy interest rates, or debt from poor financial decisions? That’s a different story.

When you marry someone, you’re not legally responsible for debt they incurred before marriage (usually), but it absolutely affects your shared financial life. Their debt payments reduce the income available for your household. Their poor credit score could make it harder to get a mortgage or rent an apartment together.

Be specific:

• What types of debt do you have (student loans, credit cards, car loans, etc.)?
• What are the total amounts?
• What are the interest rates?
• What’s your repayment plan?
• Have you ever missed payments or defaulted?

If your partner has significant debt but has a solid repayment plan and is actually sticking to it, that shows financial responsibility. If they have debt and are just making minimum payments with no strategy? That’s concerning.

I’m not saying don’t marry someone with debt; lots of good people have debt. But you need to know what you’re getting into and how it’ll impact your financial future together.

7. Who Is Responsible For Paying The Bills?

Bills are boring but necessary, and someone needs to handle them. Some couples split bill responsibilities; one person handles utilities, the other handles insurance and subscriptions. Others have one person manage everything.

What matters is that you have a system and both people are pulling their weight financially.

Nothing kills romance faster than one partner footing all the bills while the other lives carefree. Even if one person earns significantly more, both should contribute something (time, money, or both) to keeping the household running.

Figure out:

• Who will physically pay bills each month?
• How will we track expenses?
• Will we use budgeting apps or spreadsheets?
• How often will we review our finances together?

Pro tip: Schedule a monthly “money date” where you review your budget, discuss upcoming expenses, and make sure you’re still on track with your financial goals. Make it pleasant, order takeout, pour some wine, and review your finances together. It keeps you both informed and prevents surprises.

8. Did You Take Any Student Loans?

Student loan debt is incredibly common, and it’s not a dealbreaker by itself. What matters is how your partner is handling it.

Are they on an income-driven repayment plan? Are they aggressively paying extra to knock it out faster? Have they refinanced to get a better interest rate? Or are they ignoring it and hoping it goes away (spoiler alert: it won’t)?

Student loan repayment strategies reveal a lot about someone’s financial maturity and discipline. Someone with $50,000 in student loans who has a clear 5-year payoff plan is in much better shape than someone with $15,000 who makes minimum payments whenever they remember.

Discuss:

• Total loan amount
• Monthly payment
• Interest rates
• Expected payoff date
• Whether they’re pursuing loan forgiveness programs
• How the loans impact other financial goals

Also, if your partner’s student loans are significant, this could impact your ability to get approved for a mortgage or other joint debt. Lenders look at debt-to-income ratios, and high student loan payments factor into that calculation.

9. Would You Want To Spend Money On Education In The Future?

Some people are lifelong learners. They want to go back for a master’s degree, get professional certifications, or completely change careers with additional education. That’s fantastic!

Education is an investment. But it’s also expensive, and you need to plan for it together. If your partner drops the bomb three years into marriage that they want to quit their job and go back to school full-time, that’s a massive financial decision that impacts both of you, discussed it beforehand and planned for it, it’s an achievable goal instead of a crisis.

Talk about:

• Any future educational plans
• Estimated costs
• Whether they’d go full-time or part-time
• How would you cover living expenses during that time
• Whether their degree would increase earning potential enough to justify the cost

IMO, education is usually worth the investment if it leads to better career opportunities. But you need to make that decision together, not as a surprise announcement.

10. Do You Prefer Using Credit Cards Or Cash?

This question reveals so much about someone’s spending habits and self-control.

Credit cards are financial tools that can work for you or against you. Used responsibly (paying off the full balance every month, earning rewards), they’re great. Used irresponsibly (carrying balances, paying interest, impulse buying because “it’s just on the card”), they’re financial poison.

People who prefer cash tend to be more mindful spenders. There’s something psychological about handing over physical money that makes you think twice about purchases. When you swipe a card, it doesn’t feel like “real” money, so it’s easier to overspend.

Find out:

• Do they carry credit card balances or pay in full each month?
• How many credit cards do they have?
• What’s their total available credit?
• Have they ever maxed out cards?
• Do they use cards for rewards, or just because they don’t have cash?

If your partner has multiple maxed-out credit cards and a history of overspending, that’s a serious issue that needs to be addressed before marriage. Credit card debt can snowball fast, and the interest rates are brutal.

11. Do You Have Any Savings?

Savings is adulting 101, and if your partner doesn’t have any, that’s a problem.

I’m not saying they need to have a massive nest egg, especially if they’re young or have recently paid off debt. But having zero savings shows a lack of financial planning and discipline.

Key savings to discuss:

• Emergency fund (ideally 3-6 months of expenses)
• Short-term savings (for vacations, large purchases, wedding costs)
• Long-term savings (house down payment, retirement)

If your partner doesn’t have savings, find out why. Is it because they genuinely can’t afford to save anything (income problem), or is it because they spend everything they earn (discipline problem)? The first can be fixed with career growth; the second requires behaviour change.

Also, talk about where you keep your savings. High-yield savings accounts can earn you significantly more interest than traditional savings accounts. Little things like this add up over time.

12. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?

“Wait, this is a money question?”

Absolutely. Kids are one of the biggest financial commitments you’ll ever make. And the number of kids you have dramatically impacts your financial future.

One child? You can probably maintain your current lifestyle with some adjustments. Three or more? Get ready for a major financial overhaul. You’ll need a bigger house, a bigger car, more money for food, clothes, activities, healthcare, and eventually college.

Beyond the number, discuss:

• Public or private school?
• Will one parent stay home, or will you both work?
• How will you pay for college?
• What happens if we can’t have kids naturally and need fertility treatments or adoption?

These conversations aren’t fun, but they’re necessary. Financial stress is one of the top reasons marriages fail, and kids amplify financial stress. You need to be aligned on this from the beginning.

Final Thoughts

Look, talking about money isn’t romantic. It doesn’t give you butterflies, but what’s worse is fighting at 2 AM over a secret $500 purchase. Couples who last face these conversations early, honestly, and regularly.

Have these talks before engagement, definitely before marriage, and keep them going. Financial situations change, goals evolve, and staying on the same page is essential for a healthy relationship.

Your relationship will be stronger for it. Celebrate your 30th anniversary without a major money fight, and you’ll thank me. Now go schedule that talk, and maybe bring snacks.